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It was almost two years ago that Adam, Cindy and I made the decision for Adam to have his surgery.  To say it was a time of great uncertainty is an understatement.  For myself I lived 24/7 with the weight of the decision and Adam’s future in the balance… in the end the greater weight of the decision fell upon the patriarch of the family.

Adam was so full of faith, so childlike in his acceptance… knowing that all would be as the Lord would have it.  At that time I wondered and thought to myself that this was just an incapacity on his part… not knowing or realizing the full impact of the decision of surgery and the myriad of complications that could be, would be or might be.  Yet his faith was simple and pure… as it should be.

This blog tells the tale of our son, of our family and the road we traveled… One item that is not mentioned in this history is the parallel story that was taking place within our family at this time.  Before we made the decision for Adam’s surgery it was discovered that Cindy had Thyroid Cancer.  She postponed all treatment and her surgery until Adam was taken care of, until he was out of harms way.  There were many prayers offered for her and Adam.  Many nights without sleep while we pondered, cried and knelt in prayer; Many days of distractions while we pleaded to the Father for guidance and help.  Angels were sent our way to assist, many clothed in the flesh who stood by us through the difficulties and dark times, yet there were others who stood apart offering difficulties.  It is interesting to note which spirit individuals allow themselves to be filled with or who they list to follow.  I don’t say this by way of complaint only to make the reader aware of the many facets and competing forces in the human race and to note the masters each choose to serve.

We experienced the gentle hands of assistance from others beyond the veil, many times I found my mind being filled with inspiration concerning the issues before us, lending precious insights with tools to help in our decisions; other times I could feel the hands, from unseen places, holding my head as it fell down, lacking the strength to look up because the weight of my tears that brought me low,… loving, kind hands … yes there are powers we do not understand… divine powers able to assist and lift us in times of need… There are many on the other side who know us, love us, and return to assist us in our trials, in our joys and in our successes. They are family members and friends who serve by assignment from a loving God.

You can know the workings and mysteries of God. Know that He lives, know the character and nature of God so that you might understand how He works, to know His ways is to know Him.  To know Him is to have knowledge, to know truth. Knowledge and truth come by revelation.

Gifts and Powers come from the Father through the Son by the power of The Holy Ghost to bless the lives of men and women.  Three separate individuals working as one for the benefit of all of God’s children.  Some of Gods workings are in His gifts.  I have seen His gifts in the healing of our son and my wife.  We have been blessed to have more time together in this life because of the knowledge and blessings that God has given to man.

For years Cindy and I thought that Adam would not be able to serve a full-time mission for the Church due to his seizures and medical condition.  It is only by the workings and blessings of God that he is now serving as a full-time missionary in Canada.  He went from no ability to read and write or associate words with objects to writing wonderful weekly letters… each week we see the hand of healing in the thoughts and emotions he expresses in his letters home.

I see the mysteries of God and His workings in our life and am led to exclaim “How Great Thou Art.”  Mysteries are not really mysteries, they are the knowledge of God available to all who truly seek them, but to those who do not seek or ask, they are undiscovered or hid from view, thus mysteries.  They are sacred knowledge freely given to all who truly desire to know God and seek His face.

Adam and Cindy are miracles… miracles brought forth by the hand of God for our family… a gift freely given and gratefully received.  Adam and Cindy are so full of life, they so enjoy the wonders of nature that God has given to us all.  God does bless us and works with us in our circumstances … He desires to share all that He has with each of us if we will but come unto Him.

Adam, with his childlike faith, has taught me to love the simple things in life, the gifts that are freely given.  Cindy teaches me to love life for what it is… both Adam and Cindy are gifts… wonderful gifts.  Shelby, Loren and I are the recipients of God’s workings; given to know so many of the mysteries through their Mother and Older Brother.  God’s workings are only mysterious to those who do not seek Him… Seek Him and live.

This is the video we showed at Adam’s Eagle Scout Court of Honor. It is a short timeline of his life, Eagle Project and Adam.  Thank all of you who attended and for all the support you have shown our son.

Love,

Mike & Cindy

By the gifts, powers and blessings from a Loving God, Cindy and I were able to create a mortal body for our son… Adam.  In my minds eye I can still see him entering into this world on that beautiful September day 1994 atop the mountain slopes of Oahu, Hawaii.

My Son, Adam Michael Hawkes was born of a beautiful woman who possesses the patience of Job and the Compassion of the Savior. There in her arms he lay, so natural and so reverently… his head softly resting against his mother as mother and child began the reuniting of an eternal relationship… one that existed before the world was formed and one that will last through the eternities.

My son, who I would rock to sleep singing simple songs,  hoping, dreaming and praying for his future.  So tiny at the time, yet a man in embryo  and a man he would be.

My son, who from a window view I watched as he would wade through the rejections of others, yet always offering a kind word, never criticism… always quick to forgive and forget that he might win a friend.

My son, who couldn’t play the normal school sports… how I longed to be a better dad … just to play catch.

My son, who couldn’t drive at 16 because of his medical condition, nor would he talk about it to avoid disappointment.

My son, who never complained when he often was chosen last by those who he cared for and who he saw as his friends.

Our Son, who has the ability to understand the heart of the outcast.

Our Son, who shares the inherent kindness of his mother and finds joy with all that he is with. He sees others through an eternal value filter and innately  understands the worth of a soul.

Our Son, who sets the example of a First Born, A path blazer to his sisters and a stalwart in his choices.

Our Son, even with his special challenges would put his head down and push ahead with that which was asked of him.

Our Son, on crystal cold nights and fiery days would, without complaint, accomplish the farm chores to help his mother while dad was away.

Our Son, has learned to love the Lord and His Teachings.. he has secured a sure foundation.

His Son… Adam is only on loan to us… he is God’s son and we are blessed to have him in our home.

His Son… Adam desires strongly to serve his Father in Heaven by being a missionary.

His Son… Adam seeks the blessings of the temple.

His Son… Adam seeks to lift others and be kind towards God’s other Children… his extended family of brothers and sisters.

His Son… Adam is created in His image.

His Son… Adam will rise again in the resurrection because God’s Love… through His Only Begotten.

His Son… Adam holds the Priesthood of the Living God… His Father in Heaven.

His Son… Adam will fulfill all that His Father has planned for him to do.

His Son… Adam will let his light so shine to the world and not be ashamed.

His Son, Our Son, My Son… Adam Michael Hawkes… Oh how I love you. Oh how WE Love you… Press on Our Son.

After leaving the sacred grove Adam and I headed into town to see the printing shop of E.B. Grandin.. the printer who took on the job of printing the first edition of The Book of Mormon.  In all, they printed 5000 first editions… a monumental task for the day.

Outside E.B.Grandin Printing Press, bottom floor

The Printing Press

Floor level: store entry

The shop consisted of three floors that have been beautifully restored by the Church.  Much of the original materials were saved and restored… original walls, flooring and many other items remained.  It was a fascinating thought to be walking on the same floors that Joseph, Oliver, Emma, Hyrum, Father Smith and many more had passed upon.

Many miracles occurred to allow the coming forth of The Book of Mormon in such a short period of time.  The theme of sacrifice was becoming clearer in my mind… As our journey progressed in the days ahead, Adam and I have come to see the tremendous amount of personal sacrifice that has occurred for the gospel and its restoration.  No other religion on this continent, in modern times, has been through the crucible that the Saints were called to pass through… they endured it in the name of Christ and for his teachings… No other people have experienced the spectrum of suffering that the earlier members in this dispensation have lived… They endured the persecution that they might follow the Lord and to heed the call of His Prophet… They wanted to live their religion according to the dictates of their heart.

As the day progressed we felt the call of Cumorah… calling us to her hill.  It was late afternoon by the time we pulled into the visitors center parking lot… there were a few cars there but we did not see many others.  The area was beautiful… it was immaculate and kept with care. We were greeted by several missionaries as we entered, with a very pleasant “Welcome to the visitor center… where are the two of you from?”  The missionaries have been wonderful on our visit to Palmyra…here again they were so kind and welcoming.  We visited with them for a few minutes then one of the Sister Missionaries took over and began showing us around.  She asked a few questions and was very kind and helpful… however she kept nudging us to pay a visit to a room off the main entry… I do not remember the name of the room….we stated that we were looking forward to seeing and walking to the top of The Hill Cumorah, but would like to see the Christus room.  She kindly took us in… we were alone… it was quiet and peaceful.  The Sister Missionary allowed us sit there for a few moments… we tried to take it in. There in front of us stood the Christus… a statue of Christ.  The original statue was sculpted by Bertel Thorvaldsen in 1821… this Christus is a smaller statue of the one that stands at Temple Square in SLC.  It is beautiful, in a beautiful place.

It was absolutely awe-inspiring to sit there looking at a statue of the resurrected Lord in front of a painted background of the Sacred Grove.  How unimportant I felt when looking at this statue of the Savior, but how much love I sensed when I looked at the wounds in his side and the prints in his hands and in his feet… we pondered what He has done for us… what He has done for you and what He has done for all mankind.  Again the thread of sacrifice surfaced in my mind… Jesus Christ is the Son of God and our great exemplar… He set the example in all things… He has all, yet He sacrificed all… for us!  All of the eternal blessings are available for those who follow His commandments… I know that I am not unimportant in His sight… none of us are.  We are all known personally to Him.. He knows our name.

This good sister played a short one minute audio of the Savior talking to us, quoting from scriptures… what did I take away from this short audio… That I should love others as He has loved us!

Memo  (click “Memo” to play)

As we were leaving the Christus room our good sister missionary nudged us again to visit the other room… so we conceded and went in… how glad I am that we did. This room is packed with such insights and good information… I especially enjoyed listening to President Monson’s recordings to the youth… I wish every young man and young woman could be here and see this room.  Again it was beautifully done… open to the world for all to see… much like the Christus, the church has open arms for anyone to come and partake of these living waters.

We headed outside to the hill… the grass was “real grass”…. not like we have in Florida.  It was a beautiful afternoon, the temperature was perfect and Adam was feeling his oats.  I showed him the switch back path that lead to the top and stated that we needed our exercise so lets climb the path… no not Adam.. he had to conquer the hill… so he took off running with a smile on his face.

At the top of the hill and out of breath…as it is very steep… we had a wonderful view of the surrounding countryside .  There were some clouds in the sky, but they did not obscure our view.  The visibility seemed unlimited, the air crisp with a slight breeze… We felt alive.

Somewhere on this small mountain… and I suppose it is not important as to the exact location… Joseph met with the Angel Moroni for a number of years, each day on the 22nd of September until he was ready to receive the plates…. each time being taught and schooled by divine messengers.  Joseph was ridiculed, persecuted and hated by his neighbors for telling his story and holding fast to the knowledge that was given to him.  Joseph was taught by an angel, the Angel Moroni… Moroni was also hated, persecuted and hunted for his belief in Christ while he lived in mortality.  Sacrifice: Each of these men have taught us sacrifice by the lives they led as they followed the Savior and His teachings.

On the top of this “hallowed hill” is a beautiful monument of the Angel Moroni… Moroni has one hand pointing to the heavens to draw our attention to higher spheres, in the other he is holding the plates… that ancient record that bears witness of Jesus Christ.

Again Sacrifice surfaces with the works of God and His Kingdom on earth for those who are truly converted.  We are the receivers, the partakers of the fruit… we enjoy the sacrifice and labors of those who have gone before us… those who have laid the foundations for us to build upon.  I am adding a link that is connected with the Angel Moroni Monument, I have found it very interesting and insightful as to the workings in bringing it about.  http://www.maxwellinstitute.byu.edu/publications/jbms/?vol=13&num=1&id=345

After walking around on the top of this holy hill, Adam and I heading down about 30 feet… straight down… and sat in the middle of the hill looking out over the panoramic countryside. Even though Adam is 18, he will still hold my hand or put his arm around me in gestures of love, as a son to his father.  I am ever touched by his immense capacity to love and express care and concern.  We held hands, put our arms around each other… we talked and expressed our gratitude to each other and to the Lord for these opportunities and for the sacrifices of those who have gone before us.  We would ask ourselves many times over the next few days… Would we have been able to sacrifice as much as they did?  Would we have remained true and faithful in the face of adversity?  I know Adam would have… He has a strong spirit.  Adam spoke of sharing the gospel as others have done… ever wanting to bring others to the Lord and His teachings.  In the shadow of Angel Moroni, one of the great gospel teachers of all times, Adam’s desires to proclaim the gospel to all nations was so appropriate.

The Lord is healing Adam… He will fulfill his purposes!

Adam at the Angel Moroni Monument

Adam and Dad at the Angel Moroni Monument

Adam on The Hill Cumorah

As the sun was getting lower in the western sky, our hearts were filled, our spirits strengthened for our allotted time here, but before the sun set we were off to the home of Peter Whitmer… the home where the Church was organized on April 6, 1830.

More info at:  http://www.mormon.org

One hundred and ninety two years ago (September 21-22, 1824) the Angel Moroni appeared to the prophet Joseph Smith in the log house on the Smith farm. The next day Joseph went to the Hill Cumorah to see the plates for the first time. Here is a link In Joseph’s own words concerning his history: http://www.lds.org/scriptures/pgp/js-h/1?lang=eng

On this anniversary Adam and I climbed aboard one of the famous blue belly warplanes and headed to Buffalo, NY and from there via car to Palmyra, NY…the birthplace of the restoration.

Arriving in Buffalo, NY

It all started when I had some time off from work and Adam has progressed to the point where he could travel… so I discussed it with Cindy and we felt a Father/Son trip was in order. We offered Adam a trip to anywhere he would like to go… within reason of course. Not really thinking about it too long he quickly responded that he would like to go to the Sacred Grove and other Church sites.

DONE!!

As a parent I was overwhelmed with his desires and grateful for a son who has such a focus on the gospel.. wanting to strengthen his testimony and prepare himself to share the gospel as a full time missionary.

After arriving in Palmyra on a beautiful September morning, we stopped at the temple and walked the grounds; it was a time of togetherness yet it was a time of isolation. We shared time together, arm-in-arm, smiles and kind words of inquire, yet we found ourselves isolated with our thoughts, thoughts bigger than the world around us… thoughts of the temple and of the time when Adam will enter it’s sacred doors… thoughts of the eternities; We were embracing those realities that are lasting and never dim with the passage of time. The sun was shining, the air was crisp and clean, the fields were beautiful and the trees had a hint of change in their leaves. When places of worship and the grounds upon which they rest are dedicated to the Most High God, we tread softly and reverently… Finding ourselves free from the weight of worldly matters.

Palmyra Temple located on part of the old Smith Farm

Just a short distance away from the Temple is located the Smith farm with a visitor center, the log house along with the other structures, but more importantly resides the land known as the sacred grove. It was here in the spring of 1820 that the boy prophet went to inquire of the Lord in the form of a prayer… interesting that he went to the Lord with a question… These are sacred grounds, for it was here… somewhere within these woods that God the Father and His Son Jesus Christ appeared and spoke with Joseph. The heavens were once again open, the knowledge concerning the nature and being of God and His Son were were once again known with a surety.

As we approached the entrance to the grove, Adam and I were excited, thrilled, humbled and unsure all at the same time.

Outside the Sacred Grove

Just entering The Sacred Grove

There were very few others in the area so we felt as if we had the place to ourselves. As we entered Adam’s pace slowed, he began to fall behind, as if he wanted to take in every step, every tree and every sound.. I slowed my pace to match his. There are a number of paths that circle around in the grove, that head in a number of directions… We chose one and kept walking… the sun was coming through the trees as scattered rays of light diffused before our eyes.. it was cool under the canopy, allowing us to hear and see the sights and sounds more clearly. It was a beautiful walk.. not many words were spoken between us, but our thoughts were one. We wondered “where might the spot be where the event of the ages took place?” Eventually we climbed to high ground and found a place to sit… alone and totally away from the cares of life. We read parts of the scriptures… We read of the Savior’s appearance to the Nephites… The last moments with His disciples in Jerusalem, and of his teachings while on the Cross…we read D&C 76 along with Joseph’s account of the First Vision… then we pondered. After a time, we began to share thoughts and ideas.. simple at first… mostly feelings, but our conversation grew to discuss our individual place in the “big picture” … We asked ourselves “how is our standing before Heavenly Father?” “What is our place among all thing?” “What purpose do we have?” These are a few of the questions among items that we asked ourselves… One feeling that was confirmed to us…is that we are known to God…. He knows us personally! … we just have to have faith… have patience and keep fighting a good fight… then all that is promised will be.

We walked arm-in-arm… sometimes talking and at other times moving in silence… reflecting upon thoughts and feelings. I don’t know how far we traveled but it was some distance when you consider the the winding and climbing we did. When we broke out of the grove onto the open fields the feelings and presence of the grove left us just as the sun chased away the cold from our faces… the longing to return is anchored, the spirit is remembered… we are anchored to this foundation, to this restoration, our ties are here but we go forth, strengthened, yet tethered to these humbled beginnings.

A fence on the Smith property, one like Joseph attempted to cross after the night with the Angel… then off to Cumorah he went.

Yesterday, 18 September 2012,  was the two month anniversary of Adam’s first surgery… the Grid Implant, a week later he had his second surgery where the doctors removed and disconnected parts of his brain.

It’s been two months and NO SEIZURES…. What a wonderful blessing.

Post second surgery Adam could not speak, could not read,  suffered from some stroke like symptoms to his right side, could not eat and for the most part was in pretty bad shape.  He had wonderful nurses to help  and encourage him through the day;  He had a family and extended support group pulling and praying for him daily, hourly and at times on the minute.

Yesterday before leaving on my trip this fantastic young man came up to me and gave me a hug.. a real hug, one full of real love, one that comes from a deep well of pure water… a purity of unconditional love that many strive for all their life… before leaving we had a small conversation and then I was on my way… What a road to progress he has traveled in such a short time!!!!

I need to wind the clock back a little to paint the portrait of events on the canvas of our lives.  Adam left the hospital in a wheel chair…. today he walks.

Adam left the hospital with a very limited ability to speak… Today he can carry on a conversation.

Adam left the hospital not being able to recognize words or have the ability to read… today he is able to read several  sentences at a time.

When Adam left the hospital he could not sequence events, thoughts or words… today he is progressing with connecting thoughts, ideas and words in a logical pattern.

Just two weeks ago I asked Adam to do a series of small tasks, three to be exact… they were three items which are logically connected for most of us; in other words we would see them as first you do “A” then “B” and then “C”… Adam could not get past the instruction “A”  he would start out great and get to point “A” but would then become lost and confused on what was to be done next.  This has been frustrating for him and us.. time and time again he would find failure when trying to complete simple connect the dots instructions.

I was becoming concerned as it seemed that Adam had hit a wall in his progression and recovery… I asked myself are we going to have Adam living with us a lot longer than we think?  Is he ever going to be able to live on his own?  Will he be able to serve a mission, which is his greatest desire?  These questions, along with others kept haunting my thoughts when I pondered upon our son, his condition and his future… Oh how we want him to live a “normal” life.. to experience the wonders of life and relationships.

Adam’s ability to speak has been improving but slowly;  here again he seemed to hit a wall in his progression.  He can carry on a conversation, but will find difficulties in finding words or when trying to describe something he is talking about.  Adam’s nature is so good, he doesn’t get upset or frustrated, but simply say’s “Oh I just had it” or ” I had it but lost it”.. he always has a smile and is so good natured about awkward situations.

As a parent I have experienced such a blanket of blessings that covers my soul with warmth and comfort.  Adam has always been a loving kid, but since his surgery a purity of love that comes from a deep well has flowed from him to those around him.  He is so innocent, so vulnerable, so dependent, and so open.  I can not adequately express the feelings I have when he comes into our bedroom at the end of a long day and just wants to talk, to share emotions and feelings… he is always trying to comfort and find a peaceful place for others in turmoil.  He offers hugs of love that carry a sincerity and genuineness that are rare:  These moments have become a pearl of great price… a treasure of great personal worth… priceless.

Cindy and I had to withdraw Adam from High School… his senior year… and enroll him in a program called “Hospital Homebound.”  It is a program that is offered through the school district for those kids who are unable to attend normal school due to medical reasons.

Adam meets with his teachers and other classmates over the internet and telephone.  A conference call is conducted while each of the students logs onto the teachers website for instructions and assignments.

As I had mentioned Adam has not been able to read… so we have had to read him his assignments and work side-by-side with him to accomplish his school work.  One of the difficulties has been his inability to sequence events and thoughts… connecting the dots… Especially in his literature class where they are studying the battles of Beowulf.

Adam is responsible for reading each of the battles, writing an outline then writing a paragraph which contains each of the proper subjects and parts of a paragraph.

The first battle of Beowulf dealt with his fight against Grendel.  We had to read him the battle and work with him line by line in accomplishing the writing assignment.  It became disheartening that Adam could not put simple thoughts or events together.. he could not sequence the ideas or events.

In between this he had his other assignments to accomplish and complete, then came the second battle of Beowulf where Beowulf went to fight the  mother of Grendel.  Cindy read Adam the story, I read Adam the story then we worked on the outline and got it sent in.  The next night I read Adam the story again and Cindy sat down with him to begin working on the paragraph.  They got the first line or two completed when Cindy had to get a few other items done around the house, so I stepped in to help.  As I began to talk with Adam about the story and the sequence of events… he said… “I know.”  I tried again to offer a few thoughts on the direction of the paragraph with a few quotes from the story, but again he said…” I know”… “I got it.”  After several attempts and seeing him begin to get a few thoughts together… I stepped back and watched from the kitchen as he worked at the computer.  He would look at the book and type a few lines… back to the book then the computer… book, computer,… book computer… then he said he was done… WOW!!!  Cindy and I were amazed, but what did he write.. would it make any sense?

As we read the full page plus part of a second page of writing we were taken aback… Adam had begin to connect the dots… he had remembered the story, sequenced it in his mind and put it into writing… and it sounded good!  He did it on his own. The teacher gave him a 94% on the essay… He got an “A”

I cannot express the relief that this bridge has now been built and crossed in his brain.. a brain making new pathways, finding new ways to deal with the world around…. what a blessing and what excitement for us… as the bridge becomes bigger and stronger his abilities will in increase proportionally.

When we thought the dots could not be connected.. Adam began to connect them… always amazing us… always seeing the blessing from heaven.

Another part of Adam’s recovery is his physical… he needs physical exercise, he still is very weak with his right hand.  His uncle Miles sent him an XBox 360 with Kinect.  Adam is now working out by crushing buildings as the Rancor character in a Star Wars kinect video game…. I have included a little video of him in action.

My Body is a Temple

We are taught from our youth that the physical bodies we now inhabit are a gift from above;  We are taught that our bodies are sacred , they are temples to house the Spirit of the Lord;  We are taught that these bodies have been given to us from God and as such we should care for them as sacred temples.

Much discussion has gone forth about the standards we are taught, and should uphold, and why we should follow them.  In a world of ever-changing ideas, values and standards there are guiderails available for our protection… there is safety if following the counsel given.  The apostle Paul taught:

(1 Cor. 3: 16-17)

16  Know ye not that ye are the temple of God, and that the Spirit of God dwelleth in you?

17   If any man defile the temple of God, him shall God destroy; for the temple of God is holy which temple ye are.

We are taught to avoid alcohol, tobacco, coffee, tea and harmful drugs.  We are taught not to pierce our bodies with piercing…  women are counseled to have only ear-piercing for one set of earrings.  We are taught to not “decorate”  our bodies with tattoos.  We are taught not to put ourselves in extreme situations where we could suffer bodily harm.  We are taught to dress modestly and to cover our bodies so as not to draw attention to them in any improper fashion.  Alcohol, tobacco, coffee, tea, harmful drugs, body piercing, tattoos, extreme activities and immodest clothes are all popular items of the day with those who follow the fashions and trends of the world… some pick and choose those items they use or do by rationalizing their actions with mistaken justification.

Adam has from his youth kept the standards set forth by our leaders.  He has endeavored to keep his body free from the impurities of the world… he has avoided the intake of harmful substances, he has not pierced or tattooed his body, never has he sought to be immodest… always keeping his hair and clothing in the guidelines given by the Brethren.

Why do some who seek to keep their God-given temple in order, who never defile its foundation, walls and spires end up with a temple which is less than perfect?  Why are some given such beautiful edifices full of talents and grandeur yet they spoil them with poisons, graffiti and worldly wantonness?

Adam was given a less than a perfect body;  He was given a disorder called Tuberous Sclerosis, a disorder which affects all the major organs of the body.  His temple was genetically marred while yet in the womb; discovered when he was seven.  Why does this have to be?  The scales of fairness are not balanced… As I look around there are so many with so much who don’t realize the wealth in which they possess.

Life was never meant to be fair… and it isn’t.  It is through our experiences, through our challenges and through our choices that we will be weighed and judged on eternal scales; The Atonement of our Savior will adjust and recalculate the balance to ensure all is done in mercy for our benefit…. yet mercy cannot rob justice.

A healthy child with a “normal” body is taken for granted;  all is right in their world; Parents of a healthy child might worry about what team their child will play on; What groups they will join;  What car you will buy them when they turn sixteen and what college they will be accepted to.  Difficulties come when they don’t make the varsity team or first chair in band… or when they didn’t get invited to the prom with the person they “really” wanted to go with or they got  accepted into their second or third choice of universities.  These are all things to be concerned with as we all love are children, we seek their happiness and to do the best we can for each of them.

A parent of a child with a temple that is less than perfect wonders what the day will bring.. They don’t take anything for granted, accept that there will be unknowns…so many unknowns with their child… They ponder the thoughts; …will he or she be sick today, will there be another trip to the doctor’s office or to the hospital or a 911 call.  Will your child be able to make it to school today or even make it through the school year.. will you need to hold them back for another year. You don’t worry about what team they will make, only if they will get picked to play; picked from the line up as they stand with others along the wall of shame in hopes of not being the last one picked.  You are not worried about who will ask them out on a date or to the prom, only if the other kids will include them in their conversations so they don’t feel so alone… you hope that someone might call or visit them without asking, off to the side, for the favor.  You don’t worry about colleges… you are concerned if they will ever be able to support themselves and be independent someday.

Why are some temples perfect and others less so?… I don’t know.

I do know that I have learned many lessons that I never would have been taught had it not been for Adam and his less than perfect temple.  Lessons that can only be taught by the Master Teacher for the benefit of those who receive them… those who will accept the lessons for what they are.  To those parents who have a child with a “less than” perfect temple you know what I mean and understand my feelings.

Adam’s temple was in need of repair… not by any earthly choice of his own.

On July 18th and again on July 25th Adam had brain surgery.  On Wednesday the 25th Adam had to have sections of his brain removed to improve his condition.  He had a Left Temporal Lobectomy and a resection of his Left Frontal lobe in hopes of being seizure free.  In hopes of living as others do… a life where he can drive a car, serve a mission, be independent and attend a college or university.. in hopes that he will have a family someday.  We were taking his temple which had suffered damage from a genetic earthquake and tried to reinforce its foundation and walls through surgery.  This type of surgery was not available a decade or two ago… It is relatively new.  The surgical knowledge had been given and we had hopes of using this knowledge to improve Adam’s body and his mind.

“Temporal lobectomy is the removal of a portion of the temporal lobe of the brain. It is the most common type of epilepsy surgery and is also the most successful type: After surgery, 60% to 70% of patients are free of seizures that impair consciousness or cause abnormal movements. Some of these patients still experience auras, sensations (odors, for instance) without an outside source.

20% to 25% of patients still have some complex partial or tonic-clonic seizures but the number of seizures is reduced by more than 85%.

10% to 15% of patients have no worthwhile improvement.”… These numbers are for a non-TS patients so the percentages are not the same for Adam… His percentages are a lower than the numbers given here.

Adam has had most of his left temporal lobe removed, the majority being the anterior portion.  Anterior temporal lobectomy is the complete removal of the anterior portion of the temporal lobe of the brain.  Along with this a portion of his Left Frontal Lobe were removed on this fateful Wednesday.

The doctors took 9 1/2 hours to perform the surgery.

Here are two MRI images of Adam’s Left Temporal Lobe and his Left Frontal Lobe.  These images are reversed… so the left side appears on the right as you are looking at it.  The areas which are hollow or white on the his left side (right as you are looking at it) are the resected areas.  The first image shows his left temporal lobe…. if you were looking at it from the side the entire area would be gone, this image is looking down so you see the brain tissue that is below the temporal lobe area… it is difficult to see the depth.

The second image is showing the left frontal lobe area.  In both pictures you can compare the symmetry or lack of symmetry from the right side of the brain which was not operated on.

Left Temporal Lobe

Left Frontal Lobe

The human body is a wonderful gift and creation… It is a wonderful gift from our Heavenly Father and His Son Jesus Christ.

Elder Russel M. Nelson, a world-class surgeon, described our body at the last General Conference as follows:

Physical Gifts

“Our Heavenly Father loves His children. He has blessed each with physical and spiritual gifts. Let me speak of each type. When you sing “I Am a Child of God,” think of His gift to you of your own physical body. The many amazing attributes of your body attest to your own “divine nature.”

“Each organ of your body is a wondrous gift from God. Each eye has an autofocusing lens. Nerves and muscles control two eyes to make a single three-dimensional image. The eyes are connected to the brain, which records the sights seen.

“Your heart is an incredible pump. It has four delicate valves that control the direction of blood flow. These valves open and close more than 100,000 times a day—36 million times a year. Yet, unless altered by disease, they are able to withstand such stress almost indefinitely.

“Think of the body’s defense system. To protect it from harm, it perceives pain. In response to infection, it generates antibodies. The skin provides protection. It warns against injury that excessive heat or cold might cause.

“The body renews its own outdated cells and regulates the levels of its own vital ingredients. The body heals its cuts, bruises, and broken bones. Its capacity for reproduction is another sacred gift from God.

“Be we reminded that a perfect body is not required to achieve one’s divine destiny. In fact, some of the sweetest spirits are housed in frail or imperfect bodies. Great spiritual strength is often developed by people with physical challenges, precisely because they are so challenged.

“Anyone who studies the workings of the human body has surely “seen God moving in his majesty and power.” Because the body is governed by divine law, any healing comes by obedience to the law upon which that blessing is predicated.

“Yet some people erroneously think that these marvelous physical attributes happened by chance or resulted from a big bang somewhere. Ask yourself, “Could an explosion in a printing shop produce a dictionary?” The likelihood is most remote. But if so, it could never heal its own torn pages or reproduce its own newer editions!”

For those with perfect or less than perfect bodies, know that God loves you and that you are one of His creations.  All things have a purpose if we endure them well.

“No pain that we suffer, no trial that we experience is wasted. It ministers to the development of such qualities as patience, faith, fortitude and humility. All that we suffer and all that we endure, especially when we endure it patiently, builds up our characters, purifies our hearts, expands our souls, and makes us more tender and charitable, more worthy to be called the children of God… and it is through sorrow and suffering, toil and tribulation, that we gain the education that we come here to acquire and which will make us more like our Father and Mother in heaven.”  Orson F. Whitney

Know that your body is a temple of God and keeping clean, unspotted from worldly marks is very important.

Alma 7:21

“And he doth not dwell in unholy temples; neither can filthiness or anything which is unclean be received into the kingdom of God;…:

1 Cor. 3: 16                                                                                                                                                                                                                  

16  “Know ye not that ye are the temple of God, and that the Spirit of God dwelleth in you?”    

After Adam’s surgery there are daily and weekly routines which consists of:

1.  Physical Therapy  (PT)

2.  Occupational Therapy (OT)

3.  Speech Therapy (ST)

4.  Doctor Visits with follow-up visits on the follow-up visits.

While Adam was in the hospital all of these items were located in one place… His hospital room.  Now that we are home… which is a blessing… all of these visits are at various places… not a blessing.  We find ourselves driving here and driving there for these appointments… current gas prices do not help lighten the load.

The other items in life that you would normally have to accomplish have to wait or you have to find ways around them… it becomes a matter of priorities.

Adam’s sisters just started school, this is an effort akin to moving a mountain when talking about two teenage girls.  We had to get them enrolled in the school system, then we had to get their classes assigned, then we had to nail down the class schedule… which is an ever-moving target… then there is buying the school supplies, deciding on which clothes to wear, how their hair is going to be, what they are going to take in their lunch, what time they are going to get up, how early are they going to get to school… don’t want to be to close to the bell and draw attention to themselves or they might need to get there a little early to have time to visit with others… the list goes on and on.

Had Grandmother not been here to help, a lot of the normal duties we would have to perform would not have happened or the stress level would be significantly higher trying to accomplish them.  Grandmother has been such a help.. always calm and willing to take up the slack… thank you Grandmother.

I have been blessed with a little time off from work which has allowed me to take Adam to some of his Therapy sessions… Cindy has done it the other times.  Yesterday I met with several of his therapists and watched a portion of these sessions.  The staff was excellent and friendly… each took an active interest in Adam and his progress.

Each of Adam’s therapists are amazed at his progress.. they have had to advance their programs as he is moving ahead at great speed.  One of his therapists, his speech therapist, yesterday stated that Adam’s progress has been miraculous… I mentioned that Adam has been blessed from above; that there were many people praying for him…. today progress was 20% better than his last.

Your prayers continue to pull down the Powers of Heaven in his behalf….THANK YOU.

Things are not Hollywood perfect in his recovery, but there are so many positives.  If you could apply a filter, a filter that would block out the static, the distortions and distractions of our everyday events you would see the hand of God working in our lives… I have.  There have been so many miracles associated with Adam’s surgery and his recovery… in his life, in our lives, and in the lives of so many others.  If you will take a humble step out of the room and move yourself away from preconceived notions of the conditioned world we live in… you will perceive and see the work of Angels… a master mosaic carefully being built according to the Master Builders Plans… All to bring about His purposes.

I am including some video clips of Adam’s therapy sessions yesterday.  His progress is wonderful… His attitude is humbling… His disposition is Happy.  We held our Family Home Evening last night… towards the end I had mentioned, in relation to some of the scriptures we were studying,  how Adam’s surgery and that some of his suffering has helped  others in numerous ways.  He quietly said how he “would not change a thing”   My heart wept with love for a young man who has suffered so much, who has gone through so much pain, whose future is unknown… yet he would go though it again if it would help another.  Adam we love you and continue to pray for you… Thank you

I will go and do the things which the Lord hath commanded, for I know that the Lord giveth no commandments unto the children of men, save he shall prepare a way for them that they may accomplish the thing which he commandeth them.

September 1, 1994, Adam Michael Hawkes was born into this world.  He came from the his pre-mortal home where he lived with the spirit host of heaven… those spirits which kept their first estate.  While there he lived as a spirit waiting for his time to come to earth;  Waiting for the time when his spirit would join with a body to fulfill his purposes and accomplish the measure of his creation.

My thoughts tonight come from a discussion I had with Cindy, a conference talk given by Elder Rasband and the words of my niece Stephanie given to Adam. How grateful I am for the inspiration, kindness and love of others.

Have you ever felt and said to yourself, in those quiet moments of the morning, that there is something else for me to do?  Have you ever been in a busy, crowded place with people going by in all directions and you go unnoticed to the mass of humanity?  In that moment have you felt that you have a place and purpose, that you are much more apart of the picture than the situation appears?  Have you ever acted on a feeling knowing that it was the right thing to do?  Have you ever experienced the feeling that you “have been here before” or met someone and said  “don’t I know you” or “haven’t we met before?”

I believe that while we were lodged in our pre-mortal home, prior to coming to earth, we developed friendships, we gained knowledge, we developed talents and that before leaving we made promises to our God that we would do certain things once we came to earth.  I think, in part, that this is why we feel that we have met someone previously on our first meeting; That some of our pre-mortal friendships are rekindled in this life… when we meet these old friends it seems so natural and friendship flows so easy.  I believe that many of the gifted individuals with extreme talents brought those pre-learned abilities with them when they came to earth. More importantly I believe that we agreed with our Heavenly Father in our pre-mortal life that we would do our best to accomplish certain things while living out our lives here on earth.  I believe that some of us agreed to reach out and touch others for the better and to help them in their life;  I believe that some of us agreed we would share our table with those who are hungry: I believe that we agreed to share our talents for the benefit of others… And I believe that some suffer that others might benefit… let me explain.

In John 9: 1-3, Jesus was walking with his disciples when they came across a man who had been blind since birth. They asked Jesus whose fault it was as to why this man was born blind.  Was it due to the sins of his parents or due to the sins of the man himself?  It is interesting to observe that the Savior stated that neither was the case, but he was blind so that the “works of God should be made manifest in him.”

This is an excellent example of the Savior teaching about the pre-mortal life we came from. This man must have agreed in his pre-mortal life to help show the people that Jesus was the Christ; the Son of God.  By knowingly being born blind all those around him knew for many years that he could not see… even from his birth. Jesus performed the miracle and restored his sight for all to see and to testify that he was indeed the Messiah.

This man was fulfilling his pre-mortal promises that the works of The Savior might be made manifested:

1 And as Jesus passed by, he saw a man which was blind from his birth.

2 And his disciples asked him, saying, Master, who did sin, this man, or his parents, that he was born blind?

3 Jesus answered, Neither hath this man sinned, nor his parents: but that the works of God should be made manifest in him.

(John 9: 1-3)

Promises or Covenants are made in the pre-mortal world. An example of this would be found with our Savior.  He stood up among all of Father’s children and said “Send Me” and “Father, thy will be done, and the glory be thine forever.” The Savior covenanted with the Father that he would ransom us from Death and Sin… And He did!

In a previous post I had spoken about patriarchal blessings, and that Adam has received his own Patriarchal Blessing.  These are sacred documents to the individual to whom they are given.  Adam has shared his with our family;  Without going into too much details I just wanted to share a little about the special nature of Adam.

Adam attended the councils in heaven and promised Heavenly Father many things prior to coming to earth that he would accomplish here.

Each of us were there in our pre-mortal home:  Each of us feel and understand important things at various intervals in our lives… Each of us made promises before coming here and when we come close to fulfilling those promises we are energized from within… we sense the good from the Devine which is near.

As a boy Adam was so full of life, so curious of the world around him and he was so bright… He had many talents which shined through his little personality; He would radiate a room with hope and the possibilities that might be.

April 13, 2002 the monster attacked our little boy and has been robbing him of a normal life since that day. The battles, the 911 calls, the hospitals and doctor visits all  have become a part of our daily and weekly life, all the while our little boy was walking the crucible; A mental crucible, A physical crucible, A social crucible.  We could see the pain, the physical pain he suffered, but we never knew the emotional or inner conflicts.

Year after year we fought; Adam was always so good… The doctors would stick him with so many needles and he would never complain or say ouch… I could see him squint with pain… but never a word of complaint.  There were those mornings that he would come out of his bedroom with his tongue badly cut up and swollen… he wouldn’t say much; we knew that he been fighting the beast alone the night before and experiencing the violent world of seizures…he couldn’t eat, it hurt too much…so he just got out of the habit of eating breakfast… to this day he still doesn’t eat breakfast.

Out of the mouth of babes… or out of the example of our son have I learned so many lessons.

I now feel that Adam made covenants before coming to earth to be a missionary for our Savior. I believe that he knows the Savior very well and the Savior knows Adam: though Adam may not remember all the details of this relationship. I know that through Adam’s suffering others have been touched by the sweet spirit; the tender touch of the Holy Ghost. Adam has suffered that others might come closer to him who he puts his faith in… even Jesus Christ.

We have been taught so many Eternal Lessons from Adam; Through Adam’s suffering the eternal moments are made clearer.

Much like the blind man from birth, God’s works are being made manifest through our little boy.  These are a few of the fruits of a son to his father.

I am being taught a greater dependence upon the Lord… where to turn in times of need as well as in times of plenty. I am being schooled on the worth of a soul… all of God’s Children and the good they possess. I am able to exercise a greater measure of faith.  I am learning to give a greater portion of my heart to him whom I love…. I want to give all of it to Him… He is teaching how.

Adam, as you relearn to Talk;  As you relearn to Read; As you relearn about the world around you… you are teaching all of us or helping us learn Eternal Lessons.  Thank you for your sacrifice that we might gain these lasting blessings… May your missionary influence grow and may you fulfill all your promises… Thank you son.

Stephanie is one of Adam’s cousins’. She and her sister sent Adam a care package and included a video they made over a period of several days.  Stephanie was kind enough to leave a few special words at the end of the video which I would like to share with all of you.  Thank you Stephanie

Delayed Impact on Parents

It is an interesting collage that Cindy and I are experiencing since bringing Adam home from the hospital.

Adam is making progress; There are the hills and valley’s for him to travel through on his trek to recovery… this is to be expected. What wasn’t expected is the collateral damage or blast scatter of his surgery on us.  I feel it is important to write this as a “memo to self” or as a guide for other parents who might travel the path we have trod… I pen this not by way of complaint, but in hopes of expressing a few feelings and possibly a map that others might use.

The impact and effects of an explosive device are not all experienced immediately but can be delayed and felt for sometime after detonation.  The full catalog of damages cannot be quantified at the point and time of impact.

With the distancing of time,  grows an outcrop of unsettled, scattered, and sometime toxic seeds; seeds that find fertile soil and are sprouted  on exit wounds. I have found personal exit wounds and experienced the delayed effects of items that are an outcrop of Adam’s surgery.

When preparing for an enemy or facing a blast we wear protective Armor;  On the spiritual battlegrounds I choose to wear The Armor of God.  In Ephesians we are taught by Paul concerning the Armor of God .

11.  Put on the whole armour of God, that ye may be able to stand against the wiles of the devil.

12.  For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places.

13. Wherefore take unto you the whole armour of God, that ye may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand.

14. Stand therefore, having your loins  girt  about with truth, and having on the breastplate of righteousness;

15. And your feet shod with the preparation of the gospel of peace;

16. Above all, taking the shield of faith, wherewith ye shall be able to quench all the fiery darts of the wicked.

17. And take the helmet of salvation, and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God:  (Ephesians 6: 11-17)

Armor, ancient and modern, is designed to absorb the blows of the enemy and the impact of his weapons. While wearing armor we still feel the force and pressure of those weapons as they pound upon us, but we are protected from direct physical contact ; Even though we are protected from the blade’s edge, these blows all have a cumulative effect and take their toll.

Sometimes the armor we wear will not cover us completely, or there might be a chink or two in our armor.  The enemy will look for these spots of vulnerability and seek to find ways to penetrate, wound and maim.

There are flaming arrows of hurt which can pass through our defenses, leaving exit wounds for none to see except those who felt the arrow after it left its quiver and took flight.  These unseen exit wounds face away from the battle front and mostly go unnoticed because we maintain our battle face for others to see.

Modern emotional exit wounds are often collateral damage from an unintended IED.  Fragments of small shrapnel can find chinks in our protective armor; When they enter, their penetration point is small but upon exiting they produce an exit wound which is much larger than its entry: Opening a ragged, painful hole that is usually cloaked from the eyes of others.

Shrapnel, unintended or intended, can come in many forms and from a variety of sources: It can come in the middle of the night when you wake up thinking about your child and his or her future… It can come from not knowing what the future holds… It can come from financial worries… It can come from an overburden of “to do’s” that need to get done… It can come from a situation at your work or with your employment… It can come simply as a car not starting or a flat tire on a road… it is anything that is an area of personal vulnerability at that time in your life.

In all its forms… it amplifies your feelings of burden and enlarges the poor situation you find yourself in… What use to seem simple and doable, now becomes difficult and weighty to shoulder.

These fragments of shrapnel consist of a little mass… their point of entry is small, but they travel with speed, hit with force, and are uneven and sharp in nature.. when they hit, they can spin wildly within in us, gaining greater mass and momentum until they exit… when they do exit they come out on our unexposed side… showing up at home away from the daily stage we play our parts on; They appear in our moments of aloneness causing us a painful pivoting turn in the direction of our personal prison for the fear of judgement…they can leave a large unattended wound…an unnoticed wound… it is here where seeds of  loneliness, detachment, bewilderment and anger  find the soil to grow… it is here where pain lingers as it appears out of reach to treat… it is here that we experience a greater measure of the unwanted emotions because they hide, yet blossom in the shadows of ignorance and embarrassment… it is here where pain goes untreated because it is not public.

If left untreated the battle is lost and the war’s outcome becomes in question.

The delayed impact of a number of items can take its toll upon its victims… very unexpectedly… maybe it just takes time to catch up.  We have the tools to treat, we have the ointment to soothe, we have the direction to turn to for aid… A compass which points true;  A First Aid Kit is available and is found in searching The Word of God and in the plea of a humble prayer… here are a few thoughts in dealing with the exit wounds of an unexpected shock wave.

1.  Maintain your marriage relationship:   Keep your bonds alive and work together with your companion.  Cindy is an amazing individual who continues to sew up my exit wounds, although I am a terrible patient.

2. Wear the Armor of God:  Trust in the word;  Put faith into action… make the leap… It is real and it will give you hope… exercise faith in that which you know and in that which you hope for.  There are Miracles;  Miracles will happen,  Miracles do happen… but first you need to exercise faith… God will test you… then flows the miracle after the trial of your faith.

3.  Be Patient:  God’s timeline is not our timeline… this I have learned…. be patient… If you will trust God, Be Obedient and Exercise Faith you will see with perfect clarity God’s guiding hand in your life.

4.  Remember the Good in Others: Focus on the good and not the trouble spots.  I have found so much good in others… I have seen so much good in others… and this continues to heal the daily wounds.

5. Remember the words of my Grandfather:  Papa would always say to remember three things; Take care of yourself so you can take care of your family and don’t worry about money because they print it everyday… Thank you Papa.

Armor of God